Not Four Years, But For Life
2014
“Do you two realize you look like twins?!”
My mom and I smiled at each other as we turned toward the complete stranger in the purse aisle of a T.J. Maxx. We thanked her for her comment, which was flattering, and assured her that it wasn’t the first time someone had noted our similar appearance.
Ever since I was a little girl, friends, family, and even complete strangers like the woman who stood before us would remark at how much I look like my mom. What they didn’t always realize was how much alike we are personality wise. This was something I didn’t realize either until I moved away to college and joined Alpha Xi Delta, the sorority that would play a major role in deepening our mother-daughter relationship.
2010
After receiving my acceptance to The University of Iowa, the next question that everyone seemed to eagerly ask me was, “Are you going to join a sorority?” I would always respond with an indifferent, “I don’t know,” and a shrug of my shoulders.
Pre-move, the continuous questions about going through recruitment loomed in the back of my head. Many of my family members had been in sororities, including my mom and my sister. Therefore, I was considered a legacy at both of their chapters. Described in Alpha Xi Delta’s blog, a legacy is the granddaughter, daughter, sister or niece of a sorority member in good standing. My mom and my sister both encouraged me to at least give the recruitment process a try.
Even before stepping foot on campus I was intimidated by the process due to the preconceived notions I had of sororities and the women who were a part of them. I pictured myself, with my wavy and unmanageable brown hair, pale skin, and my beanstalk stature, lined up next to bronzed, blonde beauties. But if my mom and sister found something special in Greek life, maybe I would, too.
I signed up for the two weekends of emotional overload that is known as Fall Formal Recruitment.
On a hot, sticky August afternoon, I took my first steps into sorority life and never turned back. I became fast friends with other women as we bonded over our shared insecurities and the overwhelming ridiculousness we were putting ourselves through.
We would march our way into one of the 15 sororities on campus in a single file line, whispering nervous comments to each other right before we reached the door and shook the perfectly manicured hand of the sorority woman we were matched up with.
There was singing, chanting, awkward conversations, disappointment, excitement, decorations, and exhaustion. Every emotion you could feel, you felt it very deeply. Sorority recruitment brought all of your insecurities to the forefront and throughout the process you were too emotionally drained to try to hide them.
Erin McDermott, former Recruitment Chair for Alpha Xi Delta, offered advice for potential new members: “By going through the formal recruitment process you have nothing to lose but everything to gain. While the process may be difficult and tiresome everything happens for a reason. Stay true to your beliefs.”
Numerous times I wanted to drop out of the Fall Formal Recruitment process, yet I clung to the hope of finding something special and something similar to what my mom and sister had found in their organizations.
By the end of the exhausting process, I found the one place on campus that I truly call home today. I received a bid, or a formal invitation, to join Alpha Xi Delta, the same chapter that my mom called home 29 years earlier.
1981
“Why did you want to join a sorority,” I asked my mom. “I didn’t,” was her short reply.
Oddly enough, my mom and I shared a fairly similar recruitment experience. When Gayle Keiser, my mom, began attending The University of Iowa, her mom encouraged her to give the recruitment process a try. Gayle was hesitant much like I was, but she eventually signed up for recruitment even though she didn’t think she would end up joining a chapter.
Being from a small Western Iowa town, Gayle knew nothing about recruitment when she first arrived at school.
“I was the hick from the small town who didn’t know anything about it and didn’t know about buying the perfect outfit,” said Gayle. “You would run across girls from the city who knew about buying the perfect outfit and knew what houses they wanted.”
While some women seemed to be more focused on the outward image during recruitment, what Gayle was searching for was genuine friendship.
“Too many people would look at you and decide just by how you looked if they really wanted to talk to you or not,” said Gayle. “I had a girl that talked to me by looking over my shoulder the whole time.”
Despite her initial hesitations and disfavor of the recruitment process, Gayle found what she was looking for in Alpha Xi Delta.
“I just so happened to meet a group of girls that I enjoyed being around that became my friends,” said Gayle. “You’re looking for a friend. You’re looking for someone that you can confide in when things go wrong and also celebrate with when things go right.”
2014
I dug through the purses at T.J. Maxx and held up a black bag adorned with bright roses and skulls. It was a Betsey Johnson bag, just what we were looking for. Betsey Johnson was an Alpha Xi Delta just like my mom and me and for Alpha Xi Delta’s Moms’ Day celebration each spring we put together a Betsey Johnson basket for a silent auction.
I began to reminisce about my past four years of college as we moved to the sunglasses stand. I had found that something special I was looking for in Alpha Xi Delta. I’d found friendship, confidence, involvement, leadership, and passion. I had found a group of women to confide in when things went wrong and to celebrate with through the good times, and that group included my mom. Through recruitment, initiation, late nights, exams, brunches, and various celebrations, not only had my sisters been there, but my mom had been there as well.
“What has been the best part of being in the same sorority as me,” I asked my mom as I picked up a pair of tacky, hot pink sunglasses.
“It’s been fun to share the secrets and to feel the bond of not only mother and daughter, but of sisterhood,” said Gayle. “It’s brought me back to the sorority and to trying to be involved again.”
Not only had my relationship with my mom grown deeper thanks to Alpha Xi Delta, but her presence throughout my sorority experience made for special memories that few can understand. In turn, I had helped her reconnect with the organization that meant so much to her during her college years.
“Not four years, but for life,” I thought to myself.
My mom and I will have Alpha Xi Delta, and each other, for life.
The Mind of Mackenzie 